The ideal way to foster your four-year-old is not lecturing. Give in and let her enjoy the success. Gift her lifelong confidence and she will cherish it amidst future hardships
Most children until about the age of four are in a world of their own, pretty much oblivious to competition. Their lives revolve around themselves and grownups who love them. They care little about being winners or losers. and then suddenly notice the world out there. They start getting stronger in body and mind.
A typical four year old takes for granted that she is at the centre of the universe and deeply fears the loss of this power. The result is that she may crumble or get extremely argumentative if she does not have her way or knows that there may be another child who may have the better of her.
The natural tendency of the parents when the child is going through this phase is to start lecturing. Your pearls of wisdom will not be understood by your little one. A four year old only wants to play if she is declared the winner even before the game starts. You have to give her the confidence at this age that, yes, she is the winner and the world revolves around her. If you give in to her now and not argue with her, she will be someone who will lead a life of confidence for the rest of her life.
As necessary as it is to teach a young child good values, you also need to accept her overriding need to believe in her own superpowers. When her longing to be number one infringes on others rights, you need to set her straight about the rules- and even suggest that the game will not commence if she’s not yet capable of being a gracious loser or (winner). It is not only difficult for a four year old to lose against a friend; it is also difficult for her to lose against her parent.
I think it is good to make her feel like a Queen by relaxing the rules in the house at least. Don’t take her tantrums seriously. They will disappear if you give in at this stage. It does not matter if your four year old wants to race you up the stairs or down the block, go as slowly as it takes to make sure she is victorious. Likewise, if she tells you- she’s the best fastest, smartest, tallest and most adorable kid in her class, or bus, or park- don’t argue with her. Just listen good-naturedly. Do not shatter her image by pointing the flaws or packing do’s and don’ts in her day.
At the same time, of course, you should clue her to the rules of the real world. You should also point out that her friend longs to be number one just as much as she does, so everyone needs to get a chance to be first. If she loves her friends she will understand this.
Don’t worry that if you indulge her at home she will never learn sportsmanship. By including her now you will give something else that will benefit her all her life. Most of us have within us a little voice that revs us up when we are feeling down. When the going looks tough, that little voice holds out with the deep conviction that somehow we can prevail. It is often what helps us to accomplish our full potential. The voice is the vestige of our four year old self. So if you want your child’s future to be triumphant, don’t silence that voice now. Let her ‘crow’. She is only four.
